Simple ways to reclaim your boldness, stop overthinking, and enjoy life fully without worrying about looking awkward or out of place.
South Africa (27 January 2026) – I recently came across a clip from Alice in Wonderland where Alice was told she used to be “much more muchier, you’ve lost your muchness”. It’s not perfect English, but the meaning struck a nerve. At some point in our lives, we used to be bolder, brighter and more ourselves. Somewhere along the way, that part dimmed.
Many of us have lost our muchness, too. Maybe not all at once, but slowly. In small, quiet ways. After disappointments. After rejection. After being laughed at, overlooked or told, directly or indirectly, to tone it down. What we often blame on “maturing” is sometimes just self-protection.
We live in an age of constant observation. Everything is watched, shared, commented on and judged. “Cringe culture” has taught us to fear enthusiasm, vulnerability and trying too hard. So instead of showing up fully, we don’t attack the things we want; we play defence. We avoid risks. We don’t go for the shot unless we’re almost certain it will land.
And in trying to avoid embarrassment or failure, we end up avoiding ourselves. The need to creatively and authentically express ourselves.
Losing your muchness doesn’t mean you stop dreaming. It means you dream quietly. You edit your personality. You hesitate before posting, speaking, starting or even wanting. You learn how to survive disappointment instead of how to live boldly.
The thing is, living like no one’s watching doesn’t mean living recklessly. It means living honestly. It means choosing freedom over approval.
Here are a few ways to start getting that muchness back:
1. Do the thing without explaining it.
You don’t owe everyone context, justification or a business plan. Sometimes wanting something is reason enough.
2. Let yourself be seen trying.
Trying is not embarrassing. Failing publicly is not shameful. Indifference or pretending you don’t care when you do is far more exhausting.
3. Stop confusing caution with wisdom.
Being careful is useful. Being constantly afraid is not. At some point, defence will make you stagnant.
4. Reclaim joy!
Like what you like and be excited about it.
5. Remember who you were before the edits.
Before you shrank yourself to fit expectations.
I believe living your life like no one is watching might not make you less scared, but at least you’ll feel free while you’re at it.
by 